David passed away on Saturday October 30 at 12:04 am. Technically it was probably around 11:00 pm on Friday October 29 but I was tired and freaked out, so I let the hospice nurse decide. Besides, I figured Jarom would like it better if David's death day was not the same as his birthday - the 29th. Sure, it's a different month, but it's the same number. Turns out Jarom didn't care.
Cameron, Jarom, and I tried to give David some medicine at 11:30 pm. We couldn't figure out if David was still breathing or had a heartbeat. The pulse oximeter stopped working a week or so ago and Wal-Mart was sold out when I went the day before. Cameron took David's temperature and it didn't register, so that should have been a giveaway. We were all too stressed out to figure out if David was still alive or not. We even kept his oxygen on him, just in case.
I called Meagan at 11:50 pm and told her to come out because her Dad was gone. Then I called hospice at 11:56 pm and asked for a nurse to come to our house and decide. Then I called Meagan back and told her no, maybe Dad was still alive, but I don't know, so come out anyway. Meagan and Zac got here before the hospice nurse did. The hospice nurse ended up putting the time of death as the time she called me, 12:04 am. She asked if that was OK. I said sure.
I called three mortuaries between 1:00-2:30 am for quotes. I should have done that earlier, but I thought I had another week. David outlived Dr. Mendez's predictions - both times - the 12-18 month prediction in March of 2020 and the 3-6 month prediction in November of 2020.
Thankfully I decided on the mortuary by 8:15 am Saturday morning. *Whew!*
I found out the funeral home didn't have to pick David up until 22-23 hours after his time of death. By law, the body has to be refrigerated within 24 hours of the time of death. After the whole Doug ordeal, I totally know why. I was glad that the funeral director I ended up choosing told me we could keep David that long.
Oddly enough, I only knew to ask that question because of a post I saw on Facebook about a month ago. Who knew there was actually useful information on Facebook?
It was nice to have David until 4:00 pm in the afternoon. It gave the kids and I a little extra time to say goodbye. I don't think I slept at all that night. Most of the night - after the hospice nurse left and the kids had all spent some time with David - I was up talking to him. It may seem odd, but it was surprisingly comforting. I called David's siblings at around 8:30 in the morning. All except Dan were able to come say their goodbyes too.
I asked the funeral home to pick David up between 3:00-4:00 pm on Saturday. At 4:15 they still hadn't showed up, so I called Elizabeth. They arrived 15 minutes later. It took them about a half hour to get him out of the house. Because of our narrow hallway outside the bedroom they had to put him in tarp with handles then carry him to the living room. The people who came to get him were a smaller man and woman. I wasn't sure they were going to make it around the corner to the gurney in the living room. But they did.
Saturday night all of the kids left to hang out with their friends. I took an Ambien and went to sleep. If any trick-or-treaters showed up, I don't know about it. I was passed out. I was not up to any holiday stuff.
On Sunday afternoon Meagan and Zac brought a bunch of candy and handed it out. We had about 30 trick-or-treaters. I guess that's not bad for a pandemic year with Halloween on a Sunday?
The following week was a blur. Putting together a funeral is a surprising amount of work!
Meagan and I met with Elizabeth on Monday for about 4 hours and made all of the funeral arrangement decisions. I finished two versions (short and long) of the obituary on Monday morning so I could take them to the 2:00 pm appointment. It took until Wednesday morning for the funeral home to post on the internet, then I only got it to post on one group/feed on Facebook! It took Facebook a whole day to let me know they didn't post the other four because it thought it was spam. Gah!
I put together the funeral program myself. That was a lot of work! I stayed up all night. Next time I'll let the funeral home do the program. I hope that is not for a long, long time!
After that, I put together David's burial clothes. I threw his white shirt and pants in the washer and dryer to clean them and hoped they would fit. They are HUGE on him. David lost at least 100 pounds since was diagnosed with cancer. Most of it after he was admitted to hospice in mid-July.
Fortunately the funeral home got the pants and shirt to work. They looked fantastic! And they pressed all of his temple clothes, which I didn't dare do in my state. Unfortunately the zipper on David's bag broke. I didn't want any of his clothes to fall out, so I put them in my bag. Elizabeth told me I'd get the bag back, but I didn't. I found out later they put my bag in the foot of the coffin and buried it with David. I didn't label the bag, because I didn't think I needed to - and I'd run out of masking tape. Oh well. Could be worse.
On Thursday morning Meagan, Zac and I went to the preview at the mortuary. David looked good, so we all approved. Then we went to the Dollar Store and Walmart to pick up a few picture frames, T-pins, photos, etc., for the viewing that night. Then we swung by Wendy's on the way home and grabbed dinner.
We made it to the church around 5:30 pm. Just in time to set up photos, paintings and dreamcatchers for the viewing. Mike G. (our neighbor) and Brent (?) H. from the mortuary were already there with David and had everything else set up.
My fitbit band broke and the clock on the Relief Society wall needs a new battery, so I didn't have a clue what time it was. I took a Xanax before everything started so I wouldn't be a bundle of tears. Quite a few people came. We were busy from 5:50 to 8:20. It was only supposed to be from 6-8 pm, but we survived!
The next morning the viewing was at 8:45-9:45, then the funeral was from 10:00-11:00. It's a blur now. I vaguely remember it. I have a copy on a flash drive the funeral home gave me. Someday I might be up to watching it.
I drove the van to the Bountiful City Cemetery. I don't think I was in any shape to drive, but I did. After the cemetery, Zac drove us back to the church for the luncheon. That was a relief!
Once everything was over, we put all the stuff we set up for the viewings back in the van. Plus the plants and flowers we weren't able to put on David's grave. Mostly those in glass vases. I was glad we hadn't set up more than we did. It was not fun packing everything back in the car.
I think the viewings, funeral and burial turned out nice. I hope David was happy with it. He refused to talk about what he wanted for his funeral when he could still talk. After he couldn't talk he would cry whenever anyone brought up death or funerals. I tried to console him and let him know we'd miss him, but he'd be OK and he'd get to see his mother and lots of other people who went before him. That did not console him, so I just avoided talking about it around him.
The Sunday after the funeral Meagan, Zac, and I visited David's grave and picked up the ribbons and some of the flowers so we could try drying them. Then we visited Mom, Dad, and Sheri for a few hours. It's been awhile since I'd been able to go visit them. Caring for David was labor intensive and overwhelming, but worth it.
After David passed and the funeral was over, I understood WHY he kept crying. Death is hard! I don't think I've ever cried so much in my whole life as since he passed away. I cried before, too, but not as much. I know I'll see him again. I know there is life after death - thanks to Jesus Christ, the atonement and the resurrection. And the near death experience I had when I gave birth to Meagan. But the separation death creates still hurts.
Usually I don't know when the pain and crying are going to hit. I'll be fine, then I'll see a photo of David or do something I usually did with him and I'll burst in to tears. It's getting better, but it's still rough. That's why I took last week off of work. Even though I knew some of it would be unpaid leave.
Well, it's past midnight. I should go to bed. Maybe I'll add a couple of photos to this later, but for now, this is what you get!
No comments:
Post a Comment